In this tutorial we have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

In this tutorial we have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

First you are able to see the essay, and after we break up which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria has been considered plus the sentence within the essay happens to be colour coded to correspond into the fours marking criteria used by the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial shall allow you to understand:

  • How a Band is got by an essay 7
  • What sentence structures and language becomes necessary for a Band 7
  • Ways to link ideas smoothly

The population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people at the present time. Perform some advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It is well known that some countries have a population with increased young people than old people. Even this fact could have both pros and cons, In my experience the positive implications of experiencing a youthful population over-weigh the negative ones. This essay will talk about the pros and cons examples that are giving support both point of view.

On one side, having more younger people could lead to too little professionals within the society. Older population may be much more educated than the young one, this might be being why they usually have had more hours to review a career that is professional their lives. For instance, in order to become a specialist physician it really is needed at least ten years of university studies and this may not be able for a young adult yet. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s might have been through a complete lot in life in addition they may become more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This may make it possible to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations will probably have higher level of crime, this could be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A research through the University of Chile showed that into the south of Chile, where the population is mainly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice greater than into the north where the majority of the population where within their 50’s and older.

Having said that, youthful populations are in general more active and much more happy. This can be simply because they have less old age-associated illness leading them to work more and continue maintaining them-self more active. Contributing to the fact that healthy people can perhaps work more efficiently, using this they could play a role in the economy associated with country, earning profits as opposed to spending. As an example, it is a fact that old societies spend a lot of income in health for their old citizens. Another positive aspect of having adult that is young is there are more odds of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people do have more some time more energy than old individuals to practice and start to become an excellent sport professional. In soccer a lot of the players retires from their soccer-career once they turn thirty yrs old. With old people there would be no time and energy to start an activity career. And last but most certainly not least, young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This might be as they are pay someone to write my paper more proactive in organize those activities as well as more prone to participate in them. Old people could be too tired to venture out.

The disadvantages to conclude with the arguments given above, I firmly believe that the advantages of youthful population. Even though, there are several positive components of having a mature population
that individuals should consider.

It really is well known that some countries have a population with more people that are young old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this fact may have both advantages and disadvantages, In (GR1) my opinion the positive implications of experiencing a population that is youthful the negative ones (TR2). This essay will discuss the pros and cons (LR1) giving examples to guide both point of view.

TR1 – Good to begin by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your use of punctuation.
TR2 – Good to state your opinion clearly.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. Attempt to vary your utilization of vocabulary when you can.

On one hand (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people can lead to a lack of professionals when you look at the society. Older population may be more educated as compared to young one, this really is being why (LR2) they have had more time to study a professional career throughout their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , in order to become a specialist physician it is needed at the very least 10 years of university studies and this may not be able for a young adult yet (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) might have been through a complete lot in life (LR5) and so they may be more willing to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This may make it possible to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations will likely have higher level of crime, this could be because young people do have more energy to commit crime than old people. A study through the University of Chile (TR5) indicated that within the south of Chile, in which the population is certainly caused by young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice more than when you look at the north where the majority of the population where within their 50’s and older.

CC2 – the right phrase to introduce very first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 – life (singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce an example.
TR4 – Good to include a good example to support your idea.
GR3 – some nagging problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at… that is least and young adults have not yet had time and energy to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a little regarding the side that is informal but lovely natural utilization of language.
TR5 – Again, good to utilize examples to support your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a clause that is relative.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – together with noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations are in general more vigorous and much more happy. This might be because (CC5) they usually have less old age-associated illness leading them to your workplace more and continue maintaining them-self more active (LR7) . Contributing to the truth that healthy people can perhaps work more proficiently, using this they could contribute to the economy of the country, earning money instead of spending (GR4) . By way of example, it is a fact that old societies spend a lot of money in health because of their citizens that are oldLR8) . Another positive element of having adult that is young is that there are more likelihood of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people do have more time and more energy than
old visitors to practice and become an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer a lot of the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career if they turn thirty years old (LR9 ). With old people there is no right time for you to start an activity career. And last but most certainly not least (CC6) , young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities for the community. This may be as they are more proactive in organize those activities as well as very likely to participate in them. Old people can be too tired to venture out.

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